Wednesday, February 25, 2009

It's Wednesday and I typically have more time to write new posts, being that I don't work today but we have a doctor's appointment to make sure that Davy has gotten over her ear infections. Lately I've heard myself complaining about her sicknesses, her teething, and the hard phase of 6 months when babies are caught between the first stages of mobility (squirming out of your arms and wanting to grab everything) but aren't yet able to crawl or walk. It is so easy to whine about how hard it is to be a mother. For some reason, I'm tempted all the more to joke or be sarcastic or behave like a martyr when I'm with other moms.

But I'm reminded of several things today: I think of some of my sweet friends who are trying to get pregnant and experiencing the sorrow and frustration of wondering why their bodies aren't cooperating. I'm so grateful that they are allowing me to be on this road with them, sharing the feelings and letting me peek behind the curtain on this phase of their lives. I'm also reminded of so many close friends who have recently been through the heartache of miscarriage. One of my best friends once said that what was the most painful to endure after her miscarriage was the complaining of her friends who were mothers - that the baby wasn't sleeping or the baby was crying a lot or any number of things we tend to gripe about. My friend shared that she knew they were just venting (and goodness knows venting can be good) but that it tore at her insides, knowing she had lost her baby, that there was no baby to cry or fuss or be awake at nights.

Those of you who know me well know that I often battle fear in it's many forms: anxiety, worry, control, obsession. I have to be careful what I read, what I focus on. But I want to add a video today not as a means to upset anyone (myself included) or to force you to watch something painful. I just keep thinking about and praying for The Macs. I couldn't get one minute into Cora's video before I went and grabbed Davy. I realize that when I am worn out at trying to "play" with her or keep her entertained, that I need to refocus, get some perspective. What a wonderful burden to have: a growing baby who takes up your time. I confess that I cried all over her this morning.

LC, this is why we need to take so many family photos!


Lindsey said...

What a great reminder of the truth. In the snare of motherhood I was almost ready to sell my child this afternoon (I decided not to, just in case you're wondering) :)