Storms

I am sitting on my back porch while a huge storm rolls in. Tree branches shaking, rain pelting our windows, the thunder is deafening - I will need to go inside soon and find refuge. It is a physical depiction of what my heart has been through the past week.

Last week I got some bad news concerning some people I love and a place that has been dear to my heart. Someone who seemed as strong as one of the old live oaks in my back yard fell from grace in such a way that the damage will take years to clear away from so many lives. My mind couldn't even accept the truth when I heard it...denial, shock, anger, sorrow.

Some folks who visit here don't know what I do for a living. I'm a counselor. This blog is not the place that I talk about my work. But I do hash out my emotions here. So, I can share that what I do at work all day is weather some very scary storms with people. I walk with people through pain. I hear bad news all day. It's hard. I don't write that to garner pity from anyone. But it takes it's toll at times. Most days I feel the weight of the privilege it is to hear the stories and share the burdens - I truly cherish my job.

But the other morning as I was driving to a very early running workout I just began sobbing in my car. There were no other cars on the street and I had nothing to distract me. I began the dangerous business of thinking about this person who fell and about those who have been hurt by him. I also began thinking about several other people who I knew were hurting just then. And the only thing that came to my mind was: "Come, Lord Jesus."

Sometimes this old world seems to hold so much pain and sorrow that the only comfort is to wish that Christ would return and make everything new. My goodness...the gratitude I have in knowing it is so much more than a wish...

Just like this storm outside my window has forced me indoors, I believe in a Refuge, a Place to run for cover.

For You have been a refuge for me,
A tower of strength against the enemy.
Psalm 61:3

In one of the most quoted sonnets by Shakespeare, he talks about love.

"Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove;
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken."
(Sonnet 116)

I need reminding that God is not shaken by all these storms in my life. This is how He loves me.

If you stopped by here will you pray with me for two people? Rachael's brother and sister-in-law gave birth last Friday to Connor, who died the same day he was born. Please pray for them as they grieve. I think of the empty nursery and I just can't keep it together. And will you pray also for Cari? A year ago tomorrow her beautiful, chubby, happy baby girl Caden died suddenly. I have never met Cari but I am so grateful for her honesty as she writes with candor and tears about the road she is walking. I've been in love with Caden since I found her blog. I know tomorrow (9/22) will be a hard day. Thank you, Jesus, for giving us eternity to meet these two precious babies...

The Gosselins: an apology and some thoughts

It's Sunday night after the week of our vacation and we're home from a really great church service during which Todd preached again on temptation. Ironically, I'm now watching "Jon & Kate + 8" and reflecting on the precarious nature of marriage. I was blissfully away from the news last week when Kate filed for divorce. And I know that I recently blogged about her hair - something I now think was a trifling thing to do. I apologize for doing so, especially since this has been a week for me to think about how under attack marriages are these days.

It's been a rough week for marriage. And I can't say that mine was exempt. Not just an hour ago I was short and rude with my husband who was simply trying to get out of the house for a run. I was selfish and "harpy", something Kate Gosselin has been accused of being towards her husband in the few episodes I've seen of their reality tv show. I admit I've often thought her truly brassy and caustic. In AA there is an old saying, "you spot it, you got it." This seems to plague me when I'm working with female clients. There have been numerous times when I've been repelled by a woman who seems controlling, fear-based and manipulative. Hmmm, how ironic: those are all character defects that I wrestle with consistently in my marriage.

Watching the episode in which they finally bring up their marital issues (accusations of affairs, different paths in life, the stress of the media, etc.) is like watching a tough marital session. I truly feel compassion for both of the Gosselins. I'm sure that when they first agreed to do their reality show, they counted it a blessing and would never have banked on the fact that it might have been their very demise.

Tonight in church the worship team performed the song "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns. You can go check out the lyrics but the gist of it is that most of us don't just implode one day...it takes a long time for us to fade into separation and sin. While watching this episode I told Russ that I want us to always be evaluating our marriage and striving hard to fight for it. I think we're both acutely aware (may we always be) that marriages don't die in one day.

Jon mentions in the episode that he and Kate have no real friendship anymore. And, wow - can't you relate to that? I have one little baby and I have to work so hard at a friendship with Russ. We both strive to maintain laughter, deep talks, faith, fun and everything else that friendship entails. I can't imagine us looking for time and sweetness together with 8 kids in between!

Jon also continues to say "I have to do what's best for my kids." Oh Jon, I just want to grab you and shake you. I talk to so many people who believe that divorce is far better for their children than the agony of working through the problems in their marriage. And, please forgive me for being so candid and crass: that is bullshit. I have to share this because I have personally been privy to marriages that have survived adultery, addiction, lies, betrayal, illness, tragedy, death of children, cancer, financial ruin...and their kids are the better for it. What a gift to give your children! Fight for your marriage and show them what God can do with death - He brings new life!

I'm preachin' now and I know it. I'm just lil' ole me in Dallas, Texas and there's nothing new I can say on this subject. But if I had their ear I'd tell them that there is no amount of money or security that is worth their marriage. Get.out.of.that.tv.show. Remember all the reasons you entered into the craziness of having 8 children. Remember the values that kept you from choosing to deem which ones you'd keep and abort. Cling to the fact that "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it." Man, we need God to stay married. It's such a scary crapshoot some days.

So I am officially praying for these two. It looks bleak, especially now that papers have been filed. I'm greiving for them, all 10 of them. May God keep watch over you guys.

Some Feel Good To Go With Your Coffee

Go Here.

She doesn't look like a show-stopper, does she? I am so gladly reminded that sometimes the most beautiful things come out of someone whose worth I didn't understand at first glance. And yes, we are so cynical.

This reminds me of one of my favorite themes in life: the underdog, the unlikely one. All my favorite movies have this theme. Frodo was the Ring-bearer. Harry was the Chosen One. I cry every time Francis Ouimet wins the U.S. Open in "The Greatest Game Ever Played". It's the Cinderella story done a thousand times over.

Just don't forget where this idea of the unlikely one, the one we laughed at or doubted or didn't trust, came into being...

He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. (Isaiah 53: 2)

Good Friday

My favorite passage on Jesus is from Isaiah 53. And my favorite verses from that passage are 5 and 6:
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

⁶ We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

I'm so grateful that the story doesn't end on Friday!

She has nothing to do with this post. I was just trying to take a pretty photo outdoors. Her look is all thirteen years old: "Mo-THER. This is so lame."