Monday, November 17, 2008

New Lease on Life

I hesitate to even write about this...there is a big potential for jinxing my newfound luck. Davy turned 14 weeks old on Saturday and began sleeping through the night last week. The reason I'm a little scared to even share this is because it seems like any time I report some big changes on her part, she reverts backwards a few weeks! (Right, Chels?)

When I was pregnant I had friend after friend suggest that I use the Babywise method of breastfeeding to help ensure that my baby would begin to sleep through the night relatively early. Anyone who knows me knows that I tend to have the personality of one of these when I'm not getting much sleep so I was very interested in sleep training my little one. Thank goodness Johnna had given me the book already because I began to read it with gusto. Babywise asserts that if you are following the precepts closely, your baby will most likely begin sleeping through the night between weeks 7 and 9.

Hmmmm, not so much.

Week 7 came and went as did weeks 9, 10, 11, 12 and so on. And any mother knows that the one emotion that seems to plague you when your baby isn't behaving as you wish is GUILT. It's crazy but I felt guilty (and scared) that Davy was still waking up to feed in the middle of the night. (Not to mention tired, frustrated, cranky, etc.) I was calling my baby-guru, Rachael, all the time.

I have learned something about myself with this sweet little girl: I still struggle with legalism - I want to be able to "check all the boxes" with my baby and use that checklist to ensure that she will behave perfectly. Um, Beck? She's a baby. She's not a formula to be solved. Also? I still really struggle with fear and shame: fear that I'll never get real sleep or that I'll do something that scars her for life or that I'm a bad mother, etc, etc. Shame over not being able to control this new mommy life. Hey God! I thought we had already dealt with all of this!

Anyway, I write all of this to say two things: one, you can try all you want to control your kid but they do their own things. And two, since it's not really in my control, I can't take the credit for good stuff happening. I think her sleeping more has more to do with her weight, her body getting enough calories and maybe a guardian angel who secretly sings her back to sleep in the night.

But Davy, on those nights when you do sleep all the way through, I'll actually really, really miss my time with you... love, Momma

6 comments:

lindsay said...

that last little paragraph made me cry. couldya NOT? I'm already emotional enough as it is.... ;o)

mel said...

yay Davy! My oldest Kate, didnt sleep through the night until 10 months!!! Babywise didn't work on her! I hope Claire is a better sleeper!

Rachael said...

Love me some Babywise! I do think that time line needs adjustment though. Also, i think the expectation is between 8-10 hours at 2-3 months. I think she is right on schedule! Congrats and know that yes, there will be "those" nights, unfortunately. I felt the same way with E. It took until 4 months for him to reach the 10-12 hour mark, but how sweet it is!

You are an awesome momma and sweet Davy is beyond lucky to have you. So am I!

Rachael said...

And it is so funny how you miss them when they sleep! Not enough to wake them up for a visit, but missing them for sure.

Mike and Jess said...

What a sweet post about Davy, and your journey so far as a Momma! Praying she continues to sleep better and better!

JNSW said...

It really does get better and better! Congratulations on reaching one of the best milestones there is.

I agree with you on missing them once this happens. I sneak in all the time after Avery has gone to sleep and rub her little peach-fuzz head. Ohhhh I miss her right now.